By Eddie Ellis, The Gala Girl
Most if not all PWCC members are already comfortable walking into events and meetings. We introduce ourselves, make conversation, and build relationships every day.
But black-tie events feel different.
It’s evening. The ballroom looks very formal. Lighting, decorations, everything is different. The conversations unfold instead of moving quickly from point to point.
Even women who are confident in professional settings sometimes feel slightly off-balance at formal events. Not because they don’t belong, but because these evenings operate with a different rhythm.
I write about recognizing that difference, and learning how to enjoy it. It’s about moving through a gala with the same ease and confidence you bring to professional spaces, while allowing yourself to experience the night rather than manage it. The story below can be found (with dozens more) at Gala Girl: Black Tie Events Decoded and it’s free to explore as well as subscribe.
I Learned to Love Galas
(And What That Changed For Me)
I love everything about galas.
I love getting the invitation. I love deciding what I am going to wear. I love walking into a beautifully decorated room. I love having my picture taken on the step and repeat. I love live music, whether it is a band or an orchestra. I love an elegant place setting and expertly prepared food. I love sitting at a table where I do not know anyone, because it gives me the chance to meet new people.
And if there is anything I do not love about a gala, it is when the night is over and I have to leave.
But I know many women do not feel this way.
I know women who attend because they feel they should. Women who brace themselves for the evening. Women who watch the clock. Women who hope the program moves quickly. Women who leave feeling relieved rather than satisfied.
Nothing about that surprises me anymore.
Over time, I have learned that enjoyment is not about taste, confidence, or social ability. It is about familiarity with a very specific kind of evening.
What Makes Galas Feel Different
Galas and award events are not everyday social spaces. They combine formality, visibility, money, philanthropy, and performance in a way that most environments do not.
People arrive for different reasons. Some are deeply connected to the cause. Some are there for work. Some are guests. Some attend often. Others attend once a year or once in a lifetime.
Everyone belongs, but everyone experiences the room differently.
What I notice is that many women who are perfectly capable and socially fluent still feel slightly out of step. Not because they lack confidence, but because the rhythms of these events are rarely obvious at first.
When do people actually arrive? How long do they really stay? What parts of the evening matter? Which parts can you quietly ignore? How does conversation work in a room where no one is obligated to be interesting?
These are not things anyone explains. They are learned by watching.
Why Experience Changes Everything
After you attend enough events, patterns emerge.
You realize that staying for the entire program is rarely required. That leaving early is often the most elegant choice. That most conversations are brief and situational. That very few people are paying close attention to what anyone else is doing.
You stop performing, or hiding, and start participating.
What changes is not who you are. It is that you understand the structure well enough to relax inside it. It’s the difference between the first time you drove a car after you got your license, and the thousandth trip a mile down the road to Trader Joe’s.
For women who attend infrequently, or who attend in very different contexts, that learning curve can feel surprisingly steep. They are not doing anything wrong. They are simply navigating a space that does not announce how it works or provide a roadmap. And that’s often a source of anxiety.
Edie Ellis at the Astras.
Why Most Advice Falls Flat
When women look for help, they usually find extremes.
Fashion coverage focuses on spectacle. Etiquette advice focuses on rules. Influencer content focuses on image.
Very little speaks to what the night actually feels like.
How to arrive without feeling awkward. How to enjoy yourself without overthinking. How to leave feeling glad you came.
Those are the questions that matter, and they are rarely addressed directly.
What Actually Improves Enjoyment
What improves enjoyment is not more effort.
It is context.
Once you understand that most people feel a little unsure at first. That no one is tracking your every move. That staying the longest is not a requirement. That you are allowed to engage selectively.
The pressure eases.
The evening opens up.
You notice the music. The room. The people. The reason you came.
Why I Started Writing About This
I write about galas because I love them, and because I have spent years paying attention to how they work.
Not as a critic. Not as an influencer. Simply as someone who enjoys these events and has learned how to enjoy them more over time.
I notice what helps people relax. I notice what makes them tense. I notice the moment when someone who looked uncertain at the door is suddenly laughing at a table or deep in conversation.
I think of this less as giving advice and more as sharing notes. The kind you would pass along to a sister or a friend before her next event.
You do not need to become someone else to enjoy galas. You do not need thicker skin or better instincts. You don’t need to be richer, or have a bigger title, or live in a certain neighborhood. And you already know how to behave in public.
What helps is simply understanding the event you are walking into.
When that happens, many women discover that these evenings can be pleasurable. Not perfect. Not effortless. But genuinely enjoyable.
And more often than not, they leave realizing they are glad they came.
About the Author
Eddie Ellis has been attending galas and observing Awards Season for years, and believes these nights can be meaningful, fun, and surprisingly human.
If you’re curious about how formal events really work, and how to make them better for yourself, or if you’re just interested in how Award Season works, you’re check out her writing and read more at the Gala Girl: Black Tie Events Decoded on Substack.