Recently I have become aware of a form of online behavior that I call it the “cliffhanger school of communication.” It occurs when someone in your network emails you to ask for something but then never responds to your answer. So you’re left wondering what happened. Did they get your response? Were they unhappy with it? Were they swept away by a tsunami? Kidnapped by aliens? Do they care that they’ve left you feeling as if you’re hanging off a cliff by your fingernails? And if they don’t care, what’s wrong with them – or you?
During the last month I’ve had a number of such encounters and I can tell you it’s doing a real number on my self-esteem and faith in other people. Here’s what I mean.
The former colleague who asks for a recommendation.
Shirley and I worked together a couple of years ago and had a pretty close relationship. Not a BF exactly, but still she was someone I thought I could depend on. Apparently she felt the same way because she asked me to write a recommendation for her on Linkedin. I did so, spending some time on the piece to make sure it complimented the information on her profile, was warm enough without being too personal, and had no grammatical errors. Then I sent it off with a note saying if she wanted me to rewrite anything I’d be happy to do so. What did I get in response?
Nothing. Zip. Not a sentence, word, or even a texted acronym. Oh – but I did notice that my testimonial went up as is on her profile. Maybe it’s me, but I feel taken advantage of and, if asked for a verbal reference on Shirley, would probably have to pick and choose my words carefully to keep the bitterness from showing through. This, friends, is NOT the way to build a network!
The middle man to an introduction.
Anne is a nice lady who I’ve met several times at different networking events. Recently she sent me an email introducing me to a friend of hers who was looking for someone to help her daughter write a resume. Now I don’t know Anne that well, let alone her friend, so I was a little taken aback by this. Did Anne expect me to follow up with an email to her friend soliciting business as a career coach? Wouldn’t that be pushy and a little tacky? In the end, I replied directly to Anne’s email (since she had copied her friend in the email to me) that I would be happy to help, suggesting that mother and daughter take a look at my coaching Web site to find out more about me and the way I work. I also encouraged Anne’s friend to call me at her own convenience if she had any questions or concerns.
As with Shirley, there was nada response. Not from Anne, her friend, or her friend’s daughter. I assume they got my e-mails because no message came back from Yahoo telling me they weren’t delivered. But who knows? Should I try to find Anne’s phone number and call her about this? Would that be rude? (See what I mean about hanging off a cliff?)
Unanswered RSVPs
I LOVE to entertain. Aside from the Jewish stars on my corpuscles, I also am the child of two caterers and the grandchild of one of the greatest cooks EVER! So a cocktail party at my house usually includes a four course meal as well as heavy hors d’oeuvres. And a buffet dinner for 12 could easily feed 46 starving Armenians.
Yet, these days I am on a limited budget and trying to diet. When I ask guests to RSVP, I take the responses seriously so I don’t buy and cook more than they can reasonably eat on site (and maybe take a couple portions home). But lately whenever I’ve given a party there’s always someone who doesn’t respond at all or who decides at the last minute to tell me that they’re coming. Why? What is so difficult about making a decision to attend an event or not a week ahead? If you’re one of these offenders, is this how you want your own guests to behave? If the event is one connected with your professional network, do you want to develop a reputation for being indecisive and unreliable? If so, I can tell you from my perspective, not responding to my RSVP will do it for you.
I’m sure that all of us have experienced similar behavior at some time or other or even been guilty of it ourselves. If so, we all need to do better in the future. Effective networking demands that you take time and make an effort to build positive relationships with other people. And nothing enhances communication like consideration for the other person. I call it practicing “altruistic self-interest” and it’s based on a very simple rule – Do unto others as you would have them do unto you – only do it first.
Wendy Lalli coaches professionals in transition or who want to advance their careers in their current jobs and writes articles, features, and columns for professional journals and newspapers including the Chicago Tribune and the Chicago Sun Times network. She also has written career advice columns for several Web sites such as www.what collegeforgot.com and gives seminars for associations, colleges, and libraries throughout Chicago. Learn more about Wendy at http://www.wendylallicoach.com.