Everyone has a different reaction to the matter. Some welcome the change, others dread it; others don’t acknowledge it. I will admit, I fall into the category of “dread it.” Yes. This is happening, I just thought you should know: I am turning 30. Tomorrow. My friend just asked me, “Are you excited?” My response was, “I wouldn’t consider myself excited, but I feel mostly pure terror.”
I get it – that is a ridiculous response to an honest question. Why is it that this particular age gets such attention and such varied emotional responses? Is it because the number sounds so much older? Is it because we feel that we are supposed to accomplish so much within those 30 years? Is it because we are confused? Is it because we are unhappy? Whatever the rationale is, for some reason, people think that 30 is this defining moment where people presume that everything must be figured out. Or that you are literally leaving youth behind.
The world has changed; norms have shifted. We once lived in a society where divorce wasn’t prevalent; women would wed and have children in their early 20s; men were the sole breadwinners. Is everyone stressed because there is an obvious change in people’s lifestyles, but maybe the outdated ideals of the 20th century haven’t caught up? I only know my experience and I can only guess that this transition is similar for some and different for others. Or, maybe, I am completely nuts.
More women are having children in their mid-to-late 30s, more women are executives in the workplace, and there are more single mothers. There is a lot of life ahead of us all, so why is there a freak out? Does it mean that overnight I should stop with my weekend shenanigans, join eHarmony.com, find a gentleman suitor and set out on the path of “normalcy” and start having children, move to the suburbs and learn how to cook and bake? And clean? I should learn how to do that, too.
There are so many questions, so many reactions to turning 30 and I was recently introduced to an astrological theory that I liked, thought I would share: Return of Saturn. According to Wikipedia, “The Saturn Return is an astrological phenomenon that occurs at the ages of 27-30, 58-60, and finally from 86-88, coinciding with the time it takes the planet Saturn to make one orbit around the sun. It is believed by astrologers that as Saturn "returns" to the degree in which it occupied at the time of birth—approximately every 29.5 years—a person crosses over a major threshold and into the next stage of life.”
Return of Saturn suggests that those who are rounding out their time in their 20s are often faced with a series of doubts, a sense of instability and an increase in responsibilities. Astrologers believe that turning 30 is a significant rite of passage, if not the most significant. I find that amongst my peers, we are not satisfied with where we are in life, thinking that at the very young age of 30, we should have conquered the world. Another thought begs the question: Do we ever really become satisfied with our position in life?
If you look around, it could be argued that we spend the better part of our lives comparing what we have to what someone else has and wonder how to get there. We are a society that is largely competitive on surface-level material things. We are a culture based on fundamental capitalistic tendencies. We are competitive. Everything is a want, not a need. Whether it is looking around at those around us and feeling a sense of jealousy that we do not have the marriage, the right bank account, the right house, the right car, the freedom of our single friends, etc. For most, and I will go out on a limb, the terrifying age of thirty represents what we do not have.
Although thirty is very young, I have heard from a number of people that they are disappointed with their position in life because they have not achieved all they set out to conquer upon their college graduation. Some think that they should be married, or at least on the path to exchanging vows. For women, maybe it is that they feel they should have children. For men, perhaps it is the feeling that they should have more disposable income for their families. Whatever the want is, I have found that it is hard to escape the fact that rather than be satisfied with what you have, when that pinnacle moment of leaving your 20s behind, you cannot help but look at those around you and want what it appears they have.
I do not have the right solution or the right advice, but I do understand what it is like to think that the path that you have intended to create is not necessarily the path that you are following. But, I am starting to realize that there is nothing wrong with that.
I do know what it is like to fall victim to the hype of turning 30 and freaking out. I am starting to realize that is normal, but there is a lot I need to learn, a lot I don’t understand. I think back to turning 20. A lot happened in 10 years; some good, some bad. Some real bad decisions, some great memories. I guess our choices in life are exactly what shape us to be the person that we are, and that is ever evolving. Cheesy, I know.
I am calmed to know that I have a lot of family and friends in my life. I work at a cool company. I live in a great city. Maybe it is taking a look at the simple things, not the complexities of life. I have gone a lot of places, done a lot of things. I guess the best advice to give those who embark on this journey and leave their twenties behind, don’t get wrapped up in anyone else. Don’t get wrapped up in the hype. Focus on you, on your family, on your job, on your friends. There is no reason to compare to anything or anyone. It is like comparing apples to oranges. And remember, every cliché that can be used is applicable: the grass is always greener, age is just a number, if I knew then what I know now, etc. All you can do is focus on your life, not what car Johnny Q. Smooth has or how many kids Susie L. Sunshine has birthed. I will say this, as I am experiencing my last day in my twenties: I make 29+1 look good. You will too.
Lauren Trela co chaired the PWCC the Special Events Committee for 2 years. Lauren is the Director of Business Development for Desert Rose Design a women-owned full service marketing/communications firm. ltrela@desertrose.net