Many elderly couples have to deal with heartbreaking dementia. During the time I was the caregiver for my parents, I had the privilege of watching how my father coped with my mother. She suffered from senile dementia; his faculties never declined.
I'm sure the dedication, love, and valor my father displayed was not unique.
This is from one of those emails that are always circulating, author unknown. I don't know if it's true, but I do know that the essence is true.
"It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80s arrived
to have stitches removed from his thumb.
He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.
I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.
It was well healed, so I got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.
The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health.
He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's disease.
As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.
He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.
I was surprised, and asked him,
'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?'
He smiled as he patted my hand and said,
'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is.' "
Georgette H. Tarnow is an attorney, writer, and administrator in Chicago, whose forthcoming book, When Your Parent Becomes Your Child: Advice for Caregivers…from a Daughter Who Spent 23 Years Dealing with Aging and Dementia, chronicles her caregiving experiences. She may be reached at G@TarnowEsq.com.